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In fact, I might bring it south this weekend. I'm not sure; but it will be watched at least once!!
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A safe and stress-free holiday. I know, it's sort of cheesy. And it won't be stress-free, or it wouldn't be the holidays ;) But I'm hoping it'll go pretty smoothly. I'm mostly worried about dad; this is the time of year of course when it'll be most obvious how isolated he is, and with added stress in general (even good things cause stress) I'm afraid he'll have some sort of blow-out.

I feel weird about this, but in relation to dad my mindset has definitely shuffled back to dealing with the group home girls. So it's good that training comes in handy.

If I could get one random thing, though, it'd be a laptop so I could travel for work. It was real disheartening to realize this laptop won't cut it (and yeah, I'm really grateful I'm privileged enough to have a laptop and desktop both). I looked up laptops, and I want one with LED lighting instead of whatever, and it has to have at least 1.7 GHz and 1.5 GB of RAM. I actually have no idea if that's a lot or not, but to justify the purchase I'd want to get one with more than that so there's extra capacity. For whatever.

But, once that's taken care of, I can go to Medford and help out with dad, or finally take a break where I'm *not* helping out with dad, and still work! Yay!
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I've got a pink flamingo tree and my menorah out. I'm going down south for Granny's Christmas party. I'm referring to them as the holidays. I'll probably parrot back whatever greeting someone says at me, without thinking. In my own home, we'll officially be celebrating Hanukkah, but I'm pretty easy with whatever holiday someone's got.

Since we were poor growing up, *and* my parents were hippie Christians, we didn't get much. My parents' distaste for commercialism and the holiday fuss that glossed over the birth of Christ was generally mowed down before my mom's knowledge of how bad it sucks to be the poor outsider kid, and we'd get a tree and a few gifts. But for my mom, the really big Christian holiday was Easter, Jesus' resurrection.

Anyway. I just wanted to answer cuz, you know, gift card!
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At this point, my dad. He can't necessarily help it, what with being mentally ill and all, but then again through my whole childhood there was that difference between the nice dad we all wanted to hang out with and the mean dad that would get his way no matter what.

So, meh.

Speaking of all that, it sounds like dad's storage unit is getting emptied so we won't have that bill much longer. I haven't paid on it for a few months, myself, but the fewer bills like that are around, the more we can all pitch in for a hotel room for him.

I'm still incredibly freaked out by his statement that if I didn't respond to him, he'd call my clients and tell them it was an emergency and they must absolutely contact me right away. GAH. See? If that's not bullying... I dunno, though, yet again I want to discount it because it's not the stereotypical bullying. He can't physically hurt me, just drive me nuts ;)

I dunno. I'm still sickly, headachy, hungry but the mother-out-law is sleeping on the couch and Ben is sleeping in the bedroom and all I want to do is heat up some leftover curry and read or watch another episode of 'The Riches' (started watching a few days ago, Eddie Izzard kills me in it) and eat. But I'll wake up the MOL if I do that, and I just finished a chunk of work and don't feel much like sitting in my office watching TV. The chair makes my back hurt, you know.

sweet lord this whole entry is pitiful...
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The ability to wake up whenever I wanted and feel rejuvenated, even if it was just a 20-minute power nap.

I used to be able to take power naps, now I just doze for 20 minutes without falling asleep and hardly feeling refreshed, or I nap for a couple hours and feel awesome but just missed hours out of my day.

I'm still feeling like nothing is quite right with my world. I assume I will feel much better after this fiasco of a weekend is over with, and I can concentrate on work again.


eta: I slept last night! This is a strange and new sensation; usually when I have a deadline/appointment I can't sleep the night before for worrying about all the details, getting there on time, etc., which of course generally leads to me falling asleep totally exhausted at 5 a.m. and being frantic anyway :P Go figure. I've emailed dad, told him if I can find a ride to CJ I'll come find him, if not, don't take it personal. Paul's crazy enough to go with me, but a few other people have things like black belts :) So, who knows. I sort of doubt it will happen, but I feel much better knowing that I'm not hiding just to avoid 10 minutes of discomfort. I'm better than that. Also, I've got 45 minutes until my bus comes to take me to the next bus, and I've typed one wound clinic report, am totally ready, just hoping my bowels cooperate and the impending BM happens sooner, not later. I hate having to poop on the road.

April 2017

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