[personal profile] sinnamongirl
I am afraid of flying. I have to fly, to get to places I want to be, and I try to console myself by repeating (obsessively, while death-gripping the armrests of my seat) that there's a bravery in doing things you're afraid of. I also remind myself that physics are wonderful, that if there is a God, It doesn't want me to die yet, and on some flights even figuring the over-priced airport fast food nuggets count as a modern-day chicken sacrifice. Flying is innocuous, yet I'm terrified of it. I hate turbulence especially, so when we hit turbulence, I remind myself that turbulence rarely, if ever these days, causes the plane to crash. Much more likely is mechanical failure; the most dangerous times are takeoff and landing. Which makes takeoff and landing rather awful, but it works for the turbulence. Spectacularly unhelpful were the fellows one row back on my last flight home who decided to converse about Interesting Plane Crashes Through History, but I managed to tune them out.

I think what I'm afraid of isn't so much the flying itself (again, physics! very comforting!) but the idea that I will have my last moments be full of terror and awfulness and screaming. "You will feel a slight tingle, followed by death," is the exact opposite of this. If I knew death was coming, I might be scared of dying itself, of no longer being alive, but at least it's a slight tingle, versus fear and pain and screaming and all that. Since I'm not really sure what happens in the afterlife, if there is such a thing, I'd take a slight tingle over a flaming ball of wreckage hurtling from the sky any day.

I also get this sense of vertigo. Or at least I used to call it vertigo; I didn't realize there's a word that may describe it. The definition for occhiolism from The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows is rather long, but is elsewhere summarized as "the awareness of the smallness of your perspective in the scheme of the universe." I have had one or two flights where I was struck by the absolute beauty and amazeballsness of flying, and was able to contemplate the wonder of being 30,000 feet over the earth... then the 30,000 feet concept strikes. The sheer nothingness between myself and the ground, the weirdness of being this tiny human in a slightly-less-tiny tin can, surrounded by air and sky and clouds, separated from any firmament by thousands, if not hundreds of thousands or millions of miles, and suddenly I'm caught in an emotional vertigo, a speck, a nothing. It's the same sensation I get when swimming, especially in the ocean. Suddenly the depth below me and the height above me (coupled with a fear of something slimy brushing my leg), and I'm gasping with the knowledge of how insignificant I really am in the scheme of things, both physically - in mass and size - and mentally/emotionally. It's not a horrible sensation per se, but the wrenching of perspective from ego-filled-me to speck-of-a-being is dizzying.

All that said, I had a good trip to Puerto Rico. It was laidback; I didn't make it to a drag show or a punk show and completely missed the handwritten sign to a burlesque show just down the street until it was far too late to go. I didn't swim in the ocean (see above), but I did frolic in the waves.

This is a sign at the lagoon in San Juan, which rather got my hopes up, but apparently they're rather shy: manatee

My friend is working in Puerto Rico so has an apartment instead of a hotel - this was my landmark to make sure I was almost home:
condom world

I felt morally obligated to drink a fancy tropical drink, so got this insane pina colada: pineapple

There's this drink called Gasolina, it's a pre-mixed cocktail that comes in a juice pouch. It should be the best thing ever, but it's really hard to get down; however, the price and ease of carrying them around somewhat makes it worthwhile:

I actually quite appreciated the sanitation company's messages: star shine

And: superpositivo

I also appreciated the concern shown at one of the old forts in old San Juan: do not drink

(It says: "Caution, nonpotable water, do not drink," if it's too small to see.)

I tend to like things like breaking into abandoned buildings, my host-friend likes things like going into $400/night resorts and drinking over-priced wine. Here I am, pondering how amazing their "cream onion soup" was but also wishing to go back to the $2 beer place: la concha

(La Concha has this amazing cream onion soup. It's listed as having smoked candy bacon, crispy onion, and truffle oil as ingredients. AMAZING. More my speed was the first night, when we wandered into their pool area and jumped into the infinity pool.)

There are a few more photos at my instagram account, and a ton more of places like the forts at Old San Juan, and you can find way better pictures of those places on the internet. I'm not the best photographer, so for historical stuff, I refer you to professional pictures.

Date: 2016-02-26 10:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] promiseoftin.livejournal.com
Added you on Instagram! (Also, Fabio?)

I love the positivity crab!

Date: 2016-02-27 03:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
Ooh! Fabio's on Instagram?!?! I didn't know... didn't even think to check, but I just followed him and you too!

Positivity crab made my day, to be honest.

Date: 2016-02-29 07:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
I totally... I was on instagram and saw that my profile picture is me and Fabio, and was like... oh. I sort of interpreted your (Fabio?) as like... Fabio has an instagram too. Which I'm very excited about.

But, yes, my profile pic is me and Fabio, which I now think was your original intent to question that.

/my brain is a mess

Date: 2016-02-27 04:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] misfitmanor.livejournal.com
Seems like a fun getaway. And I think you might have coined a new word... might have to borrow "amazeballsness." ;)

~[livejournal.com profile] karmasoup

Date: 2016-02-27 04:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
It was fun! And please, use the word everywhere! Thanks for reading :)

Date: 2016-02-27 06:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] favoritebean.livejournal.com
Yay, it's cool to see what you look like. I'm so glad you posted pictures of your trip. I was looking forward to reading details of your trip.

So is Gasolina like an energy drink? It looks kind of brutal, judging by the labeling.

Date: 2016-02-28 11:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
Yeah, I realized I'm sort of slaughtering any privacy here, but I also sort of think it's easier to connect with people when you know what they look like? So it was an easy decision to include my face!

Gasolina is a pre-mixed alcoholic cocktail. So, like, the "pink martini" flavor is basically vodka and pink lemonade or something. Definitely vodka.

It's slightly better when frozen into a slushy, but you have to remember to mush the contents around because the vodka sits at the bottom, not quite frozen. And it comes with a straw, which is hard to maneuver in any state.

Date: 2016-02-27 04:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bleodswean.livejournal.com
I adored every single word of this, all the prompt responses, AND The photos!!! Glad you overcame and thank you so much for sharing this wonderful entry!

Date: 2016-02-28 11:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! That really put a smile on my face :) I was feeling like a jerk, sitting on the plane thinking OH GOD THIS IS HOW I DIE when I basically got a free trip, a free yank out of my doldrums, and was forgetting to focus on gratitude and blessings, by concentrating on my fear. That's dumb. So sharing about it is one way of reminding myself how awesome it all was.

Thanks for reading and commenting!

Date: 2016-02-27 06:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rayaso.livejournal.com
This was so much fun! Congratulations on working in all of the prompts - that always strikes me as an ordeal, especially on the weeks when I can't think of anything for one prompt. The idea of chicken nuggets as a chicken sacrifice is great, and I enjoyed the pictures.

Date: 2016-02-28 11:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
I'm glad you enjoyed it! I get all excited if I can work in at least one prompt, though I was afraid I was just shoe-horning them in. Though honestly, occhiolism was just one of those... I needed to know that word and had no clue it existed until now, so it was perfect.

Thanks for reading and commenting!

Date: 2016-02-27 08:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com
I would have to eat at a cafe called strange dreams... though maybe it's a warning about indigestion!

I couldn't quite see what was on that estuarian reserve sign-- a crocodile? I don't think I'd want to see one in a lagoon anywhere near where I was spending time!

Date: 2016-02-28 08:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ellison.livejournal.com
A manatee, I love those guys <3 :)

Date: 2016-02-28 08:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com
Ah! A manatee is a whole different story from a crocodile. :D

Date: 2016-02-28 11:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
Haha, "Indigestion Dreams" would be a funny name for an eatery ;) It was a manatee sign - I really would've loved to see them. My friend had 1 snorkeling mask and we intended to go in the lagoon, but then someone else said that they stay really far down in the quiet places anyway, so it was easier than it should have been to slough off the idea.

Date: 2016-02-28 06:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternal-ot.livejournal.com

I loved the use of prompts...and lovely clicks..looks like you had a great time..:) A nice read overall.

Date: 2016-02-28 11:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
Thank you! I had a lovely time indeed.

Date: 2016-02-28 08:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ellison.livejournal.com
the wrenching of perspective from ego-filled-me to speck-of-a-being is dizzying.

I have felt this, and know just what you mean!

And I'm not afraid of flying, but I know what you mean about the sheer weirdness/hugeness of realizing there's 30,000 feet of NOTHING between the metal contraption I'm in and the ground below. It's incredibly bizarre. I often find myself musing over humankind and the things we've invented and how no one else seems to be thinking OMG THIS IS FREAKING AMAZING THAT WE CAN EVEN DO THIS, though maybe they are.

Great use of the prompts, and I loved seeing the pictures! Very cool to see what you look like. I added you on instagram, too (particle_woman is me) :)

Date: 2016-02-28 11:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
It's SO WEIRD right?? I mean, sometimes when flying I am thinking that, that oh my god we're in this tin can and flying and it's the most amazing thing ever holy cow! Sadly that sometimes leads to "oh god a tin can of DEATH" but not always :)

I'll add you back on instagram! I'm really getting into the whole instagram thing lately. I wasn't too sure of putting up the link, but I think it's worked out.

Course, then I also realized I didn't put nearly as much up on instagram as I thought, a lot of it was actually up on FB, and so now I'm going back and putting up "things I forgot" pictures.

Date: 2016-02-29 06:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fodschwazzle.livejournal.com
I have very mixed feelings about a drink called Gasolina. Otherwise, it sounds like a fun trip! (What is smoked candy bacon?)

Nice piece!

Date: 2016-02-29 07:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
There's apparently a song... though it's really just about gasoline, like gas for your cars, not the drink itself. Gasolina by Daddy Yankee.

But... yeah, the Gasolina was bizarre and sort of weird. And I have no idea what smoked candy bacon is, but it's delicious!!!

Thanks for reading and commenting :)

Date: 2016-02-29 03:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adoptedwriter.livejournal.com
Glad you enjoyed your trip. Now I want to go even more! AW

Date: 2016-02-29 07:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
I did enjoy it! You will love it when you go :) Thanks for reading!

Date: 2016-02-29 03:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whipchick.livejournal.com
I really enjoyed San Juan a few months ago! I never got scared about flying until I got married, and then I fear leaving my husband :)

Date: 2016-02-29 07:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
San Juan is so nice! I was a bit disappointed not to see anywhere else, but next time I suppose. Did you get to explore outside of the city?

I can totally see how getting married would change your mindset like that.

Date: 2016-02-29 09:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dee-aar2.livejournal.com
Aaaw ... loved reading this and loved you sharing your pics. Loved the bit of masala you put in there ... gasolina ? Smoked cany bacon ... is that for real by the way ???

Date: 2016-02-29 09:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
I'm glad you liked it, thank you for reading!

Someone else asked me what smoked candy bacon is, and I'm honestly not sure - but it was for real and totally delicious. I'm guessing it's like... maybe a honey glaze and then the smoking process?

Oh, it's... I should've googled that before. It is, basically, like maple syrup and maybe some other stuff, then smoke your bacon: http://www.smoking-meat.com/october-23-2014-smoked-bacon-candy-pig-candy

"Pig candy" sounds real weird to me, but smoked candy bacon sounds delicious. Psychology is a weird thing.

I sort of wouldn't mind if Gasolina was imported to the mainland - the most palatable of the flavors was "pink martini" which basically tasted like vodka mixed with cheap pink lemonade.

I try not to take flying for granted.

Date: 2016-02-29 10:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ellakite.livejournal.com
I know all the statistics for flying. While I don't enjoy turbulence, I'm usually able to grin and bear it. Then again, the worst case I ever had lasted less than 10 minutes and wasn't violent enough to disturb me, much less make me fear for my life.

It's been a while since I had a truly fun getaway like the one you show/describe here. I always get stressed before a trip, but once I'm underway I usually relax and enjoy.

I deeply appreciate this little window into your mind and your life. Thanks for sharing it!

Date: 2016-02-29 10:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] prog-schlock.livejournal.com
Superpositive Garbage Crab is my new spirit animal I think.

Call me simple, but I'm a complete sucker for entries with pictures. I've been crazy for [livejournal.com profile] emo_snal's entries all season for exactly that reason. I mean, the written part of your entry (and his) are great too, but I love seeing things like the enormous pineapple drink and Condom House. Its so much more to see it than just to read about it. I think I'm actually five years old.

My dad was a pilot and years of watching plane crashes on TV and being unable to understand that my dad wasn't the only pilot makes me feel more antsy when other people are up in the air. When I'm in the air, I figure most of the ways to die are pretty instant - and at least I'm doing something fun. I don't want to die on the job, which as you can imagine makes going to work a pretty daunting task. :D

This is my favorite Dave Matthews Band song, but the only thing it has in common with your entry is the title. :D

Date: 2016-03-01 12:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
I love [livejournal.com profile] emo_snal's entries for the same reason, I would've pulled out pictures before if I'd known they'd (at least seem to) go over so well! I would've been nervous if my dad was a pilot, too... Though when I did meet a few pilots in college, it seemed like they were drunk all the time and laughed once about being called in to replace another pilot and being drunk then, and that didn't help much! I hope they were just messing with me. But, yeah, I did figure at least if I'm going to die, I'm on way to Puerto Rico so it's worth it - or on the way back, so my last memories are great ones!

I'm braindead, whatever this sickness is, it's kicking my ass with total fatigue, so all I could think of were car crash songs, like Jerry is a Racecar Driver by Primus.

Then I found this list of songs for nervous fliers not to listen to. I'm gonna have to listen to them!

Date: 2016-02-29 11:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dmousey.livejournal.com
Nice! Be careful about the Zika virus if you've been to Puerto Rico recently! Hugs and peace~~~D

Date: 2016-03-01 12:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
Thanks for reading! I'm sickly now, actually, but I don't have a rash or conjunctivitis and no real fever, either, so I think it's just a cold from being stuck in that tin can with all the viruses floating around :P If it gets worse, I'm off to the doctor, though.

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