Friday: LJ Idol week 11
Feb. 26th, 2016 09:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I am afraid of flying. I have to fly, to get to places I want to be, and I try to console myself by repeating (obsessively, while death-gripping the armrests of my seat) that there's a bravery in doing things you're afraid of. I also remind myself that physics are wonderful, that if there is a God, It doesn't want me to die yet, and on some flights even figuring the over-priced airport fast food nuggets count as a modern-day chicken sacrifice. Flying is innocuous, yet I'm terrified of it. I hate turbulence especially, so when we hit turbulence, I remind myself that turbulence rarely, if ever these days, causes the plane to crash. Much more likely is mechanical failure; the most dangerous times are takeoff and landing. Which makes takeoff and landing rather awful, but it works for the turbulence. Spectacularly unhelpful were the fellows one row back on my last flight home who decided to converse about Interesting Plane Crashes Through History, but I managed to tune them out.
I think what I'm afraid of isn't so much the flying itself (again, physics! very comforting!) but the idea that I will have my last moments be full of terror and awfulness and screaming. "You will feel a slight tingle, followed by death," is the exact opposite of this. If I knew death was coming, I might be scared of dying itself, of no longer being alive, but at least it's a slight tingle, versus fear and pain and screaming and all that. Since I'm not really sure what happens in the afterlife, if there is such a thing, I'd take a slight tingle over a flaming ball of wreckage hurtling from the sky any day.
I also get this sense of vertigo. Or at least I used to call it vertigo; I didn't realize there's a word that may describe it. The definition for occhiolism from The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows is rather long, but is elsewhere summarized as "the awareness of the smallness of your perspective in the scheme of the universe." I have had one or two flights where I was struck by the absolute beauty and amazeballsness of flying, and was able to contemplate the wonder of being 30,000 feet over the earth... then the 30,000 feet concept strikes. The sheer nothingness between myself and the ground, the weirdness of being this tiny human in a slightly-less-tiny tin can, surrounded by air and sky and clouds, separated from any firmament by thousands, if not hundreds of thousands or millions of miles, and suddenly I'm caught in an emotional vertigo, a speck, a nothing. It's the same sensation I get when swimming, especially in the ocean. Suddenly the depth below me and the height above me (coupled with a fear of something slimy brushing my leg), and I'm gasping with the knowledge of how insignificant I really am in the scheme of things, both physically - in mass and size - and mentally/emotionally. It's not a horrible sensation per se, but the wrenching of perspective from ego-filled-me to speck-of-a-being is dizzying.
All that said, I had a good trip to Puerto Rico. It was laidback; I didn't make it to a drag show or a punk show and completely missed the handwritten sign to a burlesque show just down the street until it was far too late to go. I didn't swim in the ocean (see above), but I did frolic in the waves.
This is a sign at the lagoon in San Juan, which rather got my hopes up, but apparently they're rather shy:
My friend is working in Puerto Rico so has an apartment instead of a hotel - this was my landmark to make sure I was almost home:

I felt morally obligated to drink a fancy tropical drink, so got this insane pina colada:
There's this drink called Gasolina, it's a pre-mixed cocktail that comes in a juice pouch. It should be the best thing ever, but it's really hard to get down; however, the price and ease of carrying them around somewhat makes it worthwhile:
I actually quite appreciated the sanitation company's messages:
And:
I also appreciated the concern shown at one of the old forts in old San Juan:
(It says: "Caution, nonpotable water, do not drink," if it's too small to see.)
I tend to like things like breaking into abandoned buildings, my host-friend likes things like going into $400/night resorts and drinking over-priced wine. Here I am, pondering how amazing their "cream onion soup" was but also wishing to go back to the $2 beer place:
(La Concha has this amazing cream onion soup. It's listed as having smoked candy bacon, crispy onion, and truffle oil as ingredients. AMAZING. More my speed was the first night, when we wandered into their pool area and jumped into the infinity pool.)
There are a few more photos at my instagram account, and a ton more of places like the forts at Old San Juan, and you can find way better pictures of those places on the internet. I'm not the best photographer, so for historical stuff, I refer you to professional pictures.
I think what I'm afraid of isn't so much the flying itself (again, physics! very comforting!) but the idea that I will have my last moments be full of terror and awfulness and screaming. "You will feel a slight tingle, followed by death," is the exact opposite of this. If I knew death was coming, I might be scared of dying itself, of no longer being alive, but at least it's a slight tingle, versus fear and pain and screaming and all that. Since I'm not really sure what happens in the afterlife, if there is such a thing, I'd take a slight tingle over a flaming ball of wreckage hurtling from the sky any day.
I also get this sense of vertigo. Or at least I used to call it vertigo; I didn't realize there's a word that may describe it. The definition for occhiolism from The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows is rather long, but is elsewhere summarized as "the awareness of the smallness of your perspective in the scheme of the universe." I have had one or two flights where I was struck by the absolute beauty and amazeballsness of flying, and was able to contemplate the wonder of being 30,000 feet over the earth... then the 30,000 feet concept strikes. The sheer nothingness between myself and the ground, the weirdness of being this tiny human in a slightly-less-tiny tin can, surrounded by air and sky and clouds, separated from any firmament by thousands, if not hundreds of thousands or millions of miles, and suddenly I'm caught in an emotional vertigo, a speck, a nothing. It's the same sensation I get when swimming, especially in the ocean. Suddenly the depth below me and the height above me (coupled with a fear of something slimy brushing my leg), and I'm gasping with the knowledge of how insignificant I really am in the scheme of things, both physically - in mass and size - and mentally/emotionally. It's not a horrible sensation per se, but the wrenching of perspective from ego-filled-me to speck-of-a-being is dizzying.
All that said, I had a good trip to Puerto Rico. It was laidback; I didn't make it to a drag show or a punk show and completely missed the handwritten sign to a burlesque show just down the street until it was far too late to go. I didn't swim in the ocean (see above), but I did frolic in the waves.
This is a sign at the lagoon in San Juan, which rather got my hopes up, but apparently they're rather shy:

My friend is working in Puerto Rico so has an apartment instead of a hotel - this was my landmark to make sure I was almost home:

I felt morally obligated to drink a fancy tropical drink, so got this insane pina colada:

There's this drink called Gasolina, it's a pre-mixed cocktail that comes in a juice pouch. It should be the best thing ever, but it's really hard to get down; however, the price and ease of carrying them around somewhat makes it worthwhile:

I actually quite appreciated the sanitation company's messages:

And:

I also appreciated the concern shown at one of the old forts in old San Juan:

(It says: "Caution, nonpotable water, do not drink," if it's too small to see.)
I tend to like things like breaking into abandoned buildings, my host-friend likes things like going into $400/night resorts and drinking over-priced wine. Here I am, pondering how amazing their "cream onion soup" was but also wishing to go back to the $2 beer place:

(La Concha has this amazing cream onion soup. It's listed as having smoked candy bacon, crispy onion, and truffle oil as ingredients. AMAZING. More my speed was the first night, when we wandered into their pool area and jumped into the infinity pool.)
There are a few more photos at my instagram account, and a ton more of places like the forts at Old San Juan, and you can find way better pictures of those places on the internet. I'm not the best photographer, so for historical stuff, I refer you to professional pictures.
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Date: 2016-02-26 10:49 pm (UTC)I love the positivity crab!
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Date: 2016-02-27 03:40 am (UTC)Positivity crab made my day, to be honest.
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Date: 2016-02-29 07:29 pm (UTC)But, yes, my profile pic is me and Fabio, which I now think was your original intent to question that.
/my brain is a mess
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Date: 2016-02-27 04:09 am (UTC)~
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Date: 2016-02-27 04:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-27 06:03 am (UTC)So is Gasolina like an energy drink? It looks kind of brutal, judging by the labeling.
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Date: 2016-02-28 11:38 pm (UTC)Gasolina is a pre-mixed alcoholic cocktail. So, like, the "pink martini" flavor is basically vodka and pink lemonade or something. Definitely vodka.
It's slightly better when frozen into a slushy, but you have to remember to mush the contents around because the vodka sits at the bottom, not quite frozen. And it comes with a straw, which is hard to maneuver in any state.
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Date: 2016-02-27 04:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-28 11:39 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading and commenting!
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Date: 2016-02-27 06:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-28 11:40 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading and commenting!
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Date: 2016-02-27 08:28 pm (UTC)I couldn't quite see what was on that estuarian reserve sign-- a crocodile? I don't think I'd want to see one in a lagoon anywhere near where I was spending time!
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Date: 2016-02-28 08:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-28 08:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-28 11:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-28 06:32 pm (UTC)I loved the use of prompts...and lovely clicks..looks like you had a great time..:) A nice read overall.
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Date: 2016-02-28 11:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-28 08:43 pm (UTC)I have felt this, and know just what you mean!
And I'm not afraid of flying, but I know what you mean about the sheer weirdness/hugeness of realizing there's 30,000 feet of NOTHING between the metal contraption I'm in and the ground below. It's incredibly bizarre. I often find myself musing over humankind and the things we've invented and how no one else seems to be thinking OMG THIS IS FREAKING AMAZING THAT WE CAN EVEN DO THIS, though maybe they are.
Great use of the prompts, and I loved seeing the pictures! Very cool to see what you look like. I added you on instagram, too (particle_woman is me) :)
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Date: 2016-02-28 11:45 pm (UTC)I'll add you back on instagram! I'm really getting into the whole instagram thing lately. I wasn't too sure of putting up the link, but I think it's worked out.
Course, then I also realized I didn't put nearly as much up on instagram as I thought, a lot of it was actually up on FB, and so now I'm going back and putting up "things I forgot" pictures.
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Date: 2016-02-29 06:12 am (UTC)Nice piece!
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Date: 2016-02-29 07:31 pm (UTC)But... yeah, the Gasolina was bizarre and sort of weird. And I have no idea what smoked candy bacon is, but it's delicious!!!
Thanks for reading and commenting :)
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Date: 2016-02-29 03:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-29 07:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-29 03:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-29 07:32 pm (UTC)I can totally see how getting married would change your mindset like that.
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Date: 2016-02-29 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-29 09:49 pm (UTC)Someone else asked me what smoked candy bacon is, and I'm honestly not sure - but it was for real and totally delicious. I'm guessing it's like... maybe a honey glaze and then the smoking process?
Oh, it's... I should've googled that before. It is, basically, like maple syrup and maybe some other stuff, then smoke your bacon: http://www.smoking-meat.com/october-23-2014-smoked-bacon-candy-pig-candy
"Pig candy" sounds real weird to me, but smoked candy bacon sounds delicious. Psychology is a weird thing.
I sort of wouldn't mind if Gasolina was imported to the mainland - the most palatable of the flavors was "pink martini" which basically tasted like vodka mixed with cheap pink lemonade.
I try not to take flying for granted.
Date: 2016-02-29 10:03 pm (UTC)It's been a while since I had a truly fun getaway like the one you show/describe here. I always get stressed before a trip, but once I'm underway I usually relax and enjoy.
I deeply appreciate this little window into your mind and your life. Thanks for sharing it!
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Date: 2016-02-29 10:54 pm (UTC)Call me simple, but I'm a complete sucker for entries with pictures. I've been crazy for
My dad was a pilot and years of watching plane crashes on TV and being unable to understand that my dad wasn't the only pilot makes me feel more antsy when other people are up in the air. When I'm in the air, I figure most of the ways to die are pretty instant - and at least I'm doing something fun. I don't want to die on the job, which as you can imagine makes going to work a pretty daunting task. :D
This is my favorite Dave Matthews Band song, but the only thing it has in common with your entry is the title. :D
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Date: 2016-03-01 12:05 am (UTC)I'm braindead, whatever this sickness is, it's kicking my ass with total fatigue, so all I could think of were car crash songs, like Jerry is a Racecar Driver by Primus.
Then I found this list of songs for nervous fliers not to listen to. I'm gonna have to listen to them!
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Date: 2016-02-29 11:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-03-01 12:06 am (UTC)